Freedom From Regret
by shenkai
Summary: A short story about Wufei's struggle with life and regret.5x?, implied 5x4


Notes:

//hi// denotes it's coming to Wufei from inside

stupid onna denotes thoughts

**Freedom From Regret**

Wufei looked up at the stars, remembering a time when he was told he should do so more often.

//Get your nose out of that book and experience life.//

But he did experience life, the agony of lost love, the insanity of war, the delight of victory, the petulance of defeat, and regret. Most especially regret.

//You're afraid to live. Afraid to let anyone in.//

If only you knew how true. "If only I had realized it sooner… how our life could have been different, if only…" he said, tears falling from his eyes.

//Tell me, Wufei, why should I stay?! Do you love me?! Say something!//

If only I had said something, rather that watch you leave. He fell to his knees, tears uncontrollably falling from his eyes as he beat the ground with clenched fists. "If only I had said something, maybe you'd still be here!!" he howled like a wounded animal, chasing the birds from their perch on the statue near the grave where his koi lay. They landed on a statue at the bottom of the hill, where two more graves could be seen, bearing the names of lost friends, where another man waited, looking up the hill at the scene, a glint of worry in his eyes.

//Fine! Be alone with your books. Let them keep you happy. I no longer have the energy to compete with them for your attention.//

"I packed them away for you, but you kept your word and never came back. Never turned around. Now you're gone."

He looked at his fists, and opened them; smooth skin turning to wrinkled, withered hands. The silken strands of hair that covered his face were as white as the clothes he wore.

//Once I walk out that door, you'll never see me again.//

"You died that night, and I never got to tell you how I felt. How I still feel. Such a senseless death." He hung his head, today, on such an anniversary, it was always hard to leave, always hard to go on. I can't believe that it has been eighty years since I placed you here.

"It should have been me! Not you. You loved life and should have been allowed to live it!" The pent up frustration of a lifetime, a century of frustrations wracked his body with coughs as he continued to beat the ground below him, angry at the world, angry at fate, angry at people, angry with himself.

A young, slender hand touched his shoulder, the shock calming him some.

//Shh… no more thoughts of the past.//

"But… I never got to say it. I was too scared to," Wufei said, the pain of age seeming to leave his body as he raised his head to the apparition beside him. "I never got to say 'I love you,'" he looked at his love.

//I already knew.//

He embraced the youth, who remained as beautiful as he had remembered, and together they sat by the grave on the hill.

"Wo ai ni."

//Wo ai ni, Wufei.//

Wufei went to kiss his koi, who pushed him gently back to the grass, with a deep, passion filled kiss.

"Please don't leave me again," Wufei said, breaking the kiss. "I'll prove myself to you and live for you."

//You've proven all that and more to me. Now it's time to move on.//

"But…" Gentle fingers silenced him.

His love smiled and stood up, extending a hand to him.

He lay there, motionless, basking in the love he felt shared between them, before extending his hand to hold his love's.

The youth pulled him up, and suddenly the wrinkles were gone and his hair was restored to it's midnight luster.

//Come on, Love, let's go home.//

And the happy couple walked down the hill, disappearing as Quatre approached them, running through them to the grave, where Wufei lay, seemingly asleep.

"Wufei, we should be going home, now." Quatre said, urgently, patting the old man's cheek. He hoped what he had felt had not been real, No, Wufei. Not you too.

Silent tears fell from his eyes as he leaned over the now empty shell, "I hope you're now at peace, husband."

END

_Original Date Posted: 07 September 2001_

_Disclaimer: I do not own the GW characters. I do however own the personas of the characters contained within, and any resemblances to any other author's characters (of the same name or real life persons for that matter) is purely coincidental and is not done with that intent in mind._


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